I can't sleep. I'm excited about leaving for the Reason Rally tomorrow. My sixteen year old son and I are going with my friend and her daughter. We are driving three hours to Chicago to board a bus which will drive us fifteen hours to Washington DC, to what looks like will also be the Rain Rally (80% chance of rain and thunderstorms most of the day).
I was going to say that a reason for going is to teach my son about standing for our freedoms and having the personal integrity to be "out" as an atheist. Upon further reflection, however, I realize that more and more, he is the one teaching these lessons to me. Normally he goes to a piano lesson on Friday afternoons. His piano (and French horn) teacher is a good musician and a good music teacher. She's also a fundamentalist Christian type. I recently found out she left in the middle of a school anti-bullying assembly for which she was providing piano accompaniment for the choir, because there was mention of anti-gay bullying. Eth will miss his piano lesson tomorrow since we will be in route to Chicago to catch our DC Rally Bus. I asked him if he told her where he was going and he had. He also told her what the rally was about and used the words "I am an atheist". By contrast, sometimes I've kind of said "oh it's a secularist HUMANIST gathering, and it's PEAK cherry blossom season!", when telling certain people where I am going this weekend. That was quite a risk for my son, who loves and respects this teacher he has had for five years. So, maybe this is venture is more of an opportunity for him to lead and teach me, and for us to go celebrate our freedom together.
We are also going to represent so many more who can't go. The attendance predictions for this are between 30,000 and 50,000 people!! And most atheists are NOT going. I wonder what the ratio is for number of atheists that aren't going for each one who is. I've read so many comments by people who cannot attend wanting to be represented. Some people are making signs listing all the people they know who can't come.
Of people I know that cannot come, many are members of my church. At least six had reservations for the Peoria bus that got cancelled. Another is wheelchair bound and the bus was not accessible anyway. Several more could not afford to go or had schedule conflicts. So I also go to represent not only people from my congregation, but UU's everywhere. (I also hope to see many UU's there!) I'm still mulling over sign ideas. I'm considering "Godless But Not Churchless- Unitarian Universalists Support Separation of Church and State!" Or something like that. I don't know. I'm always making myself even more of a minority than I already am, like I can't just be an atheist; why do I have to proclaim, "I'm an atheist who loves church"? Well, because I love church I guess. (And Eth and I are going to wear our Standing on the Side of Love shirts. Awww, how cool is that (for me), that my teenager is willing to wear matching shirts?)
Ahh, now I'm starting to get tired again. Need sleep to travel safe. I hope we all have safe travel. I would be compromising my integrity though if I don't mention that one of the main reasons I am making this trek is to see Tim Minchin perform at this historic event. I can't wait to hear what songs he has chosen and to hear his talky bits too. Rain or no, I'm totally psyched about this weekend. Must sleep and dream of cherry blossoms and Minchin.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
Changes
I have given my blog a new look and a new name! I didn’t like the dark background, and I have decided to broaden my horizons a bit. “Tim Minchin for UU” was so…specific. Although I can typically relate any event or idea to Tim Minchin, I find sometimes I’m wanting to write about other things besides Tim Minchin (gasp!). Or maybe things about Tim Minchin which may not necessarily relate to UUism (like an artistic nude portrait I did based on the song below; more details later). I am going to allow myself more freedom in what I post.
Admittedly, I’m sure it will mostly still be Tim things or UU things or the intersection thereof. That’s why I am calling it “A Free and Responsible Search for Truth and Minchin”, which is, of course, a play on one of the UU principles, “a free and responsible search for meaning”.
So on that note, please enjoy "If You Really Loved Me".
Admittedly, I’m sure it will mostly still be Tim things or UU things or the intersection thereof. That’s why I am calling it “A Free and Responsible Search for Truth and Minchin”, which is, of course, a play on one of the UU principles, “a free and responsible search for meaning”.
So on that note, please enjoy "If You Really Loved Me".
Monday, January 16, 2012
Reasons to go to the Reason Rally! Liberal Religious Listen!
Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a meaningful holiday, in which we reflect upon the horrific tragedies of our American history, and celebrate the progress we’ve made thus far in overcoming them and promoting civil rights. It’s also a day off work and I am sitting around watching the History Channel and welling up with tears. I have deep admiration for that Christian minister and his message of non-violence. I keep catching glimpses on the internets of people wanting to point out Dr. King’s flaws as though if these things are true that somehow discredits the amazing, amazing things this man did for our country. That can be more research and potential argument for another day. He really was an “ordinary man who did extraordinary things”.
I actually am not coming here to write about Martin Luther King, but to write about an upcoming event I’m very excited about, the “Reason Rally”, at the National Mall in Washington D.C. Watching footage of Dr. King’s “March on Washington” in 1963 has me even more excited about going to this iconic place and being part of a movement that is very important. I’m not going to speculate on how MLK would feel about atheists and separation of church and state in America today, or use his immense struggle to make an issue for personal freedoms, but I will use a general quote of his that I have heard a lot today, that we, as the liberal religious, should not forget. Why should we care about this “largest secular gathering in history”? I will use Martin Luther King’s words here, which will continue to be applicable in the course of events in this country. “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial ‘outside agitator’ idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.”
I hope that we, as UUs, and defenders of religious freedom care about this event. As more and more atheists are “coming out”, more and more are being made to feel as though they are “outsiders”. This event will help raise awareness of atheists/ agnostics/ humanists/ and various varieties of non-believers- that we exist, and we deserve representation in this democracy, especially as there are more and more threats to justice, with lawmakers wanting to bring Christian based pseudo-science into schools, and as children like Jessica Alhquist receive death threats for asking her school to abide by the Constitution and remove a school prayer. These are threats to justice. Just as we as UUs Stand on the Side of Love for gay marriage and immigration issues, I hope we will also stand with the atheists, many of whom sit in our loving pews each Sunday and go out into hostile communities and schools each Monday.
OK, maybe I’m getting a little preachy. Did I mention that I’ve been watching MLK speeches all day? I think I’ll just post some info from the event website, and from the UUA. Oh, and did I mention Tim Minchin will be there performing? And the earlier mentioned Jessica Alhquist will be speaking. Along with Richard Dawkins, and James Randi, and other speakers and performers? And it is at the National Mall in Washington DC? And there are buses from all over the country providing really reasonable transportation? My son and I are taking a bus, sleeping all night on the bus, going to the rally, and sleeping all night the way back. I get to be a part of history, take my kid to DC, and see Tim Minchin all for $100 per bus ticket and the price of food. Those are some reasons to go to the Reason Rally. So far, I have not been able to muster much interest within my local congregation. I'm not sure if it is the fact that maybe people aren't as enthused about riding a bus for 16 hours as I am, or if people are wanting to embrace our religiosity over our secularism? Even if people do not want to go, I hope there will be some discussion of it. I've searched for other UU blogs or tweets or mention of this anywhere, and so far am finding nothing. I know my blog has only twelve followers, of which maybe three (?) are UUs, but I want to try to figure out a way to start a conversation about this. This is exciting and important to me and I at least want to make sure it is on people's radars, and would like even more to have a discussion about it, and would like even more to fill a bus from Peoria to DC and take a journey together.
UUA Statement on Religion and State:
The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) has long expressed our support of the separation of church and state in relation to public education, partisan politics, free exercise and religious pluralism. For the reason, the UUA works to ensure that federal dollars are not used to fund religious discrimination, to combat government endorsement of religious beliefs, and to ensure freedom of religious expression.
Goals of the Reason Rally:
-To encourage attendees (and those who can’t make it) to come out of the closet as secular Americans, or supporters of secular equality.
-To dispel stereotypes – there is no one “True Atheist”. We will have non-theists from all political persuasions, ethnicities, genders, and backgrounds. We will show that there are secular Americans in every American demographic.
-Legislative equality. Secular Americans can run for office and adequately represent theists, just as theists in office can represent their secular constituents proudly and openly. We deserve a seat at the table just like theists, and we hope this rally can put our values in the radar of American voters.
I actually am not coming here to write about Martin Luther King, but to write about an upcoming event I’m very excited about, the “Reason Rally”, at the National Mall in Washington D.C. Watching footage of Dr. King’s “March on Washington” in 1963 has me even more excited about going to this iconic place and being part of a movement that is very important. I’m not going to speculate on how MLK would feel about atheists and separation of church and state in America today, or use his immense struggle to make an issue for personal freedoms, but I will use a general quote of his that I have heard a lot today, that we, as the liberal religious, should not forget. Why should we care about this “largest secular gathering in history”? I will use Martin Luther King’s words here, which will continue to be applicable in the course of events in this country. “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial ‘outside agitator’ idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere within its bounds.”
I hope that we, as UUs, and defenders of religious freedom care about this event. As more and more atheists are “coming out”, more and more are being made to feel as though they are “outsiders”. This event will help raise awareness of atheists/ agnostics/ humanists/ and various varieties of non-believers- that we exist, and we deserve representation in this democracy, especially as there are more and more threats to justice, with lawmakers wanting to bring Christian based pseudo-science into schools, and as children like Jessica Alhquist receive death threats for asking her school to abide by the Constitution and remove a school prayer. These are threats to justice. Just as we as UUs Stand on the Side of Love for gay marriage and immigration issues, I hope we will also stand with the atheists, many of whom sit in our loving pews each Sunday and go out into hostile communities and schools each Monday.
OK, maybe I’m getting a little preachy. Did I mention that I’ve been watching MLK speeches all day? I think I’ll just post some info from the event website, and from the UUA. Oh, and did I mention Tim Minchin will be there performing? And the earlier mentioned Jessica Alhquist will be speaking. Along with Richard Dawkins, and James Randi, and other speakers and performers? And it is at the National Mall in Washington DC? And there are buses from all over the country providing really reasonable transportation? My son and I are taking a bus, sleeping all night on the bus, going to the rally, and sleeping all night the way back. I get to be a part of history, take my kid to DC, and see Tim Minchin all for $100 per bus ticket and the price of food. Those are some reasons to go to the Reason Rally. So far, I have not been able to muster much interest within my local congregation. I'm not sure if it is the fact that maybe people aren't as enthused about riding a bus for 16 hours as I am, or if people are wanting to embrace our religiosity over our secularism? Even if people do not want to go, I hope there will be some discussion of it. I've searched for other UU blogs or tweets or mention of this anywhere, and so far am finding nothing. I know my blog has only twelve followers, of which maybe three (?) are UUs, but I want to try to figure out a way to start a conversation about this. This is exciting and important to me and I at least want to make sure it is on people's radars, and would like even more to have a discussion about it, and would like even more to fill a bus from Peoria to DC and take a journey together.
UUA Statement on Religion and State:
The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) has long expressed our support of the separation of church and state in relation to public education, partisan politics, free exercise and religious pluralism. For the reason, the UUA works to ensure that federal dollars are not used to fund religious discrimination, to combat government endorsement of religious beliefs, and to ensure freedom of religious expression.
Goals of the Reason Rally:
-To encourage attendees (and those who can’t make it) to come out of the closet as secular Americans, or supporters of secular equality.
-To dispel stereotypes – there is no one “True Atheist”. We will have non-theists from all political persuasions, ethnicities, genders, and backgrounds. We will show that there are secular Americans in every American demographic.
-Legislative equality. Secular Americans can run for office and adequately represent theists, just as theists in office can represent their secular constituents proudly and openly. We deserve a seat at the table just like theists, and we hope this rally can put our values in the radar of American voters.
Friday, December 30, 2011
"White Wine in the Sun"; It's Sentimental, I Know
I just can’t let this season pass by, without doing a “White Wine in the Sun” post. This post won’t be about anything UU per say, just some brief thoughts about family, which is the essence of this song, and what Christmas means to me. I really love this song. It is probably my favorite song ever. This is my favorite version of this song:
Of course there are some amazing UU- applicable concepts there, like “I don't believe just cos ideas are tenacious it means they are worthy”. That is basically the essence of our worldview in that simple line, isn’t it? I do also kind of have an uber-fangirl fantasy, in which Tim Minchin comes to our church and plays this song on our beautiful piano (and then sings non-dodgy hymns, like “Here We Have Gathered”, and he holds my hand during closing words and comes to coffee hour and has deep discussions with the youth). I’m sure this is completely normal, and I never indulge in said fantasy while actually sitting in church.
This song evokes strong emotions in regards to two different aspects of my family relationships. I feel immense gratitude and love and protectiveness when I think of my children. I feel a sense of loneliness, grief, and separation when I think of my parents. Both bring tears to my eyes. Even though my boys are grown, I remember well holding them as infants and wanting them to know I will always love them, and always be there for them, no matter where they are or who they become. I will support them in whatever they face. Always.
I have had a couple instances this year which have caused my heart to skip a beat being worried about Eli’s health and safety, even though he is now 18 and an independent adult. One was when he was in a car accident, and that was quickly resolved as soon as I heard he was fine and no one was hurt (even though the car was totaled). In that instant of NOT KNOWING, it felt as though 18 years simply disappeared and I was holding him as a baby wanting to protect him.
I am now facing a longer “not knowing” situation, in which Eli has a lump on his neck that after an MRI is still a cause for concern. It could be a virus, or according to my research, something like “cat scratch disease”, and may be nothing to worry about. While we are waiting to learn what it is, I want him to know that I just want for his happiness. I may be guilty of occasionally being overbearing and even judgmental. I think I need to lighten up and not be harsh on his teenage choices and let him learn from his own mistakes. Facing something potentially serious, and listening to this lovely song, help remind me of these ways to be a better mother.
In regards to my own mother, I sometimes feel 9,000 miles from home. I would have loved to have known, at 21 or 31, that she would be there whatever comes. I hate not knowing that. I hate that she sees me through the eyes of her definitively overbearing husband and they are always disappointed in what I’ve become (atheist). Maybe by the time I am 41, I will be able to know that she wants to be the person who makes me feel safe in this world. Until then, I will keep waiting for her, drinking white wine in the sun. I should probably grow up and get over it. It's sentimental, I know.
Of course there are some amazing UU- applicable concepts there, like “I don't believe just cos ideas are tenacious it means they are worthy”. That is basically the essence of our worldview in that simple line, isn’t it? I do also kind of have an uber-fangirl fantasy, in which Tim Minchin comes to our church and plays this song on our beautiful piano (and then sings non-dodgy hymns, like “Here We Have Gathered”, and he holds my hand during closing words and comes to coffee hour and has deep discussions with the youth). I’m sure this is completely normal, and I never indulge in said fantasy while actually sitting in church.
UU Church of Peoria Piano by Lynnda White
This song evokes strong emotions in regards to two different aspects of my family relationships. I feel immense gratitude and love and protectiveness when I think of my children. I feel a sense of loneliness, grief, and separation when I think of my parents. Both bring tears to my eyes. Even though my boys are grown, I remember well holding them as infants and wanting them to know I will always love them, and always be there for them, no matter where they are or who they become. I will support them in whatever they face. Always.
socks, jocks, and chocolates
I have had a couple instances this year which have caused my heart to skip a beat being worried about Eli’s health and safety, even though he is now 18 and an independent adult. One was when he was in a car accident, and that was quickly resolved as soon as I heard he was fine and no one was hurt (even though the car was totaled). In that instant of NOT KNOWING, it felt as though 18 years simply disappeared and I was holding him as a baby wanting to protect him.
I am now facing a longer “not knowing” situation, in which Eli has a lump on his neck that after an MRI is still a cause for concern. It could be a virus, or according to my research, something like “cat scratch disease”, and may be nothing to worry about. While we are waiting to learn what it is, I want him to know that I just want for his happiness. I may be guilty of occasionally being overbearing and even judgmental. I think I need to lighten up and not be harsh on his teenage choices and let him learn from his own mistakes. Facing something potentially serious, and listening to this lovely song, help remind me of these ways to be a better mother.
In regards to my own mother, I sometimes feel 9,000 miles from home. I would have loved to have known, at 21 or 31, that she would be there whatever comes. I hate not knowing that. I hate that she sees me through the eyes of her definitively overbearing husband and they are always disappointed in what I’ve become (atheist). Maybe by the time I am 41, I will be able to know that she wants to be the person who makes me feel safe in this world. Until then, I will keep waiting for her, drinking white wine in the sun. I should probably grow up and get over it. It's sentimental, I know.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Christmas- A New Song
This is a blog about Tim Minchin...and religion...and it is Christmas Eve eve. I have been thinking about the almost obligatory Christmas "White Wine in the Sun" blog post since the day I started this blog. This is the song that introduced me to Tim Minchin. This is the song that melts my heart with images of loving families sharing a joyous holiday together, regardless of their religious beliefs or lack thereof. It is a song about Christmas traditions and meaningful memories. The day after Thanksgiving felt like crunch time for me. Time to get started on that perfect sentimental blog post about that perfect sentimental song. Unfortunately, because of stupid wacko religious strife in my own family, I have not been able to write about “White Wine in the Sun” without my post turning into a bitter rant about personal family problems.
Luckily for me, Tim Minchin just delivered an early Christmas present- a NEW Christmas song- available to the world to view and write about even before Christmas Eve, when it was originally scheduled to air on the Jonathan Ross Show. And wow. The world has been writing about it. It got cut from the Jonathan Ross show, after being approved by their people and after being taped. You can read all about this on Tim Minchin’s blog (and in various newspapers and blogs and all over the internet).
The song is called “Woody Allen Jesus”. I really like it. People seem to think it is a song about Jesus and therefore mocking (grrr, that word again) Jesus. I know this is just my interpretation, but I think this is a song, not so much about Jesus, but about all of the supernatural, magical attributes people have used to shape a superhuman-to-the-point-of-no-longer-being-human image of Jesus. What enamors me about Jesus is his humanity. I don’t care about stories about loaves and fishes or walking on water or magical, healing touches. Those are lovely metaphors. The things that I have found the most meaningful about Jesus are the stories about his real compassion, and sense of justice and equality, and his humble nature, his ability to speak his mind and challenge the status quo, and his sense of integrity and conviction under even the most extreme persecution. Those are the aspects of his humanity that inspire me. Yes, even me, the non-Christian. Stories of this human Jesus helped shaped my moral conscience and are meaningful to who I am. I easily acknowledge that and am grateful to have learned them. Jesus stories about miracles and supernatural powers are even fine with me as they are presented in the Bible. They are intriguing myths that I’m sure have deep meanings which could enrich my life, if I took the time to ponder them. It is supernatural Jesus stories that I hear today that I cannot understand at all, stories about Jesus reaching down from heaven and healing an illness, or changing the outcome of a game. When people make fantastical claims about Jesus’ presence in their lives today, I can respect their beliefs, but those beliefs just don’t have meaning for me. I feel no connection with a supernatural Jesus. I prefer the human version. I think this song is about people making Jesus less human. It is funny. I am going to write Comedy Central. I would love to see Tim perform this on The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. Also, if you purchase "White Wine in the Sun" from iTunes or Amazon before Feb. 1st 2012, all proceeds go to the National Autism Society UK.
Luckily for me, Tim Minchin just delivered an early Christmas present- a NEW Christmas song- available to the world to view and write about even before Christmas Eve, when it was originally scheduled to air on the Jonathan Ross Show. And wow. The world has been writing about it. It got cut from the Jonathan Ross show, after being approved by their people and after being taped. You can read all about this on Tim Minchin’s blog (and in various newspapers and blogs and all over the internet).
The song is called “Woody Allen Jesus”. I really like it. People seem to think it is a song about Jesus and therefore mocking (grrr, that word again) Jesus. I know this is just my interpretation, but I think this is a song, not so much about Jesus, but about all of the supernatural, magical attributes people have used to shape a superhuman-to-the-point-of-no-longer-being-human image of Jesus. What enamors me about Jesus is his humanity. I don’t care about stories about loaves and fishes or walking on water or magical, healing touches. Those are lovely metaphors. The things that I have found the most meaningful about Jesus are the stories about his real compassion, and sense of justice and equality, and his humble nature, his ability to speak his mind and challenge the status quo, and his sense of integrity and conviction under even the most extreme persecution. Those are the aspects of his humanity that inspire me. Yes, even me, the non-Christian. Stories of this human Jesus helped shaped my moral conscience and are meaningful to who I am. I easily acknowledge that and am grateful to have learned them. Jesus stories about miracles and supernatural powers are even fine with me as they are presented in the Bible. They are intriguing myths that I’m sure have deep meanings which could enrich my life, if I took the time to ponder them. It is supernatural Jesus stories that I hear today that I cannot understand at all, stories about Jesus reaching down from heaven and healing an illness, or changing the outcome of a game. When people make fantastical claims about Jesus’ presence in their lives today, I can respect their beliefs, but those beliefs just don’t have meaning for me. I feel no connection with a supernatural Jesus. I prefer the human version. I think this song is about people making Jesus less human. It is funny. I am going to write Comedy Central. I would love to see Tim perform this on The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. Also, if you purchase "White Wine in the Sun" from iTunes or Amazon before Feb. 1st 2012, all proceeds go to the National Autism Society UK.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
"If I Didn't Have You", I would probably...have depression and maybe be a slut
This will be a weird post...
A couple weeks ago, I celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary with my husband. I’m 39. I have been married twenty-one years. Over half my life. We were just kids when we started dating. We have both grown and changed into essentially different people. Luckily, the person I’ve become still likes the person he’s become and vice-versa. I think that is pretty amazing and we are quite lucky. Love also has a lot to do with it. Marriage is often trying, and we often disagree, but we really love each other and want for the other's happiness, and that gets us through a lot.
Tim starts out in this clip saying that he lost his virginity to the girl he married and how that is uncommon. It is pretty uncommon, and I’m not sure it is always wise, but that is my situation as well. I’m going to post some personal details about my sex life. Not like, details about SEX, but just about what it has been like for me to have only had sex with one man, and some of the goods and bads about that for me. If that is TMI, just watch the video and move on. If you want to read some mixed up, but very honest feelings about monogamy, or lack thereof, see you on the other side.
Ah, so, “If I Didn’t Have You”. Tim implies that it is not a song about love or relationships, but rather a song about maths. This may be true, (I guess he did write the song and would know what it is about), but it does have some amazing insights about relationships. Of course, it makes the point that the idea of “soul mates” is a myth. I think it is a myth that there is someone out there specifically designed for someone else. I do think I am now with my soul mate, but he wasn’t my soul mate when I met him. We’ve become best friends who have been through so many joys and sorrows and passions and pains, that now, after all these years, he is part of my “soul”. As the song says,
“And if I may conjecture a further objection
Love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened; the affection simply grows over time
Like a flower or a mushroom or a guinea pig or a vine
Or a sponge or bigotry or a banana
And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience
And the synergy of a kind of symbiotic empathy or something...”
So funny, but so true, and our “ongoing drama of shared experience” really has been dramatic. I’m not proud of this, (but I try not to be ashamed of it either), but I went through several periods in my young adulthood of mental instability and was not the most pleasant person to be married to. In fact, I was fucking batshit crazy. I was already prone to depression and had jumped right from a pretty fucked up childhood into marriage at eighteen with a lot of baggage and issues and was pretty immature. (Of course I was immature. I was 18. Right?) After the birth of my children I suffered severe postpartum depression. Finally, when my youngest was about 6 months old, my husband convinced me to seek some help. He probably saved my life. It definitely saved our marriage.
After spending several years on anti-depressants, and after growing up a bit, I finally became a normalish person, more like who I am today. Mentally ill Me was extremely needy, ultra possessive, terribly jealous, over emotional, painfully shy, and basically all around psychotic. Normal me was happy, independent, confident, able to think clearly, and starting to experience the hindsight that comes several years into adulthood. I always try to be honest with myself and with my husband. I believe honesty really is what has helped our relationship last. I realized a couple things about myself and had to be honest about them. First, I had this curiosity about what it would be like to be sexual with other men. Second, I fall in love with people. Rather than, "If I didn't Have You",I began to consider the possibility, "Even though I have you, someone else will do too."
There are a couple types of non-monogamous relationships. Swinging is focused on sex, having another sex partner, but (from my understanding) it is usually about recreational sex. Polyamory is about love, or being in a relationship with more than one partner. We started to kind of explore these concepts. I'm actually NOT going to go into a lot of details, but I'll say we went through some amazing and amazingly trying times as we bared our souls and feelings to one another and asked ourselves many questions about love, commitment, jealousy, possessiveness, freedom, control, autonomy, and sacrifice. This was a process that lasted a couple of years. There are still lingering and unanswered questions which may surface again someday.
We learned some important things. I know I can say anything to Lee and he will listen and try to understand. That's an amazing feeling and an amazing trust to have in someone. I learned I need to be true to myself, and I don't want to be loved for pretending to be someone I'm not. I learned monogamy is right for me, for right now. I read a Tim interview, in which he said he is a "philosophical vegetarian". I feel like I am a philosophical polyamorist. I think it is a beautiful concept, the idea that the heart has the capacity to love more than one, that loving one person does not diminish your love for someone else, but I don't have the fortitude or for the energy for it. I am content. I am in love. Still. Probably forever. Probably.
A couple weeks ago, I celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary with my husband. I’m 39. I have been married twenty-one years. Over half my life. We were just kids when we started dating. We have both grown and changed into essentially different people. Luckily, the person I’ve become still likes the person he’s become and vice-versa. I think that is pretty amazing and we are quite lucky. Love also has a lot to do with it. Marriage is often trying, and we often disagree, but we really love each other and want for the other's happiness, and that gets us through a lot.
Tim starts out in this clip saying that he lost his virginity to the girl he married and how that is uncommon. It is pretty uncommon, and I’m not sure it is always wise, but that is my situation as well. I’m going to post some personal details about my sex life. Not like, details about SEX, but just about what it has been like for me to have only had sex with one man, and some of the goods and bads about that for me. If that is TMI, just watch the video and move on. If you want to read some mixed up, but very honest feelings about monogamy, or lack thereof, see you on the other side.
Ah, so, “If I Didn’t Have You”. Tim implies that it is not a song about love or relationships, but rather a song about maths. This may be true, (I guess he did write the song and would know what it is about), but it does have some amazing insights about relationships. Of course, it makes the point that the idea of “soul mates” is a myth. I think it is a myth that there is someone out there specifically designed for someone else. I do think I am now with my soul mate, but he wasn’t my soul mate when I met him. We’ve become best friends who have been through so many joys and sorrows and passions and pains, that now, after all these years, he is part of my “soul”. As the song says,
“And if I may conjecture a further objection
Love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened; the affection simply grows over time
Like a flower or a mushroom or a guinea pig or a vine
Or a sponge or bigotry or a banana
And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience
And the synergy of a kind of symbiotic empathy or something...”
So funny, but so true, and our “ongoing drama of shared experience” really has been dramatic. I’m not proud of this, (but I try not to be ashamed of it either), but I went through several periods in my young adulthood of mental instability and was not the most pleasant person to be married to. In fact, I was fucking batshit crazy. I was already prone to depression and had jumped right from a pretty fucked up childhood into marriage at eighteen with a lot of baggage and issues and was pretty immature. (Of course I was immature. I was 18. Right?) After the birth of my children I suffered severe postpartum depression. Finally, when my youngest was about 6 months old, my husband convinced me to seek some help. He probably saved my life. It definitely saved our marriage.
After spending several years on anti-depressants, and after growing up a bit, I finally became a normalish person, more like who I am today. Mentally ill Me was extremely needy, ultra possessive, terribly jealous, over emotional, painfully shy, and basically all around psychotic. Normal me was happy, independent, confident, able to think clearly, and starting to experience the hindsight that comes several years into adulthood. I always try to be honest with myself and with my husband. I believe honesty really is what has helped our relationship last. I realized a couple things about myself and had to be honest about them. First, I had this curiosity about what it would be like to be sexual with other men. Second, I fall in love with people. Rather than, "If I didn't Have You",I began to consider the possibility, "Even though I have you, someone else will do too."
There are a couple types of non-monogamous relationships. Swinging is focused on sex, having another sex partner, but (from my understanding) it is usually about recreational sex. Polyamory is about love, or being in a relationship with more than one partner. We started to kind of explore these concepts. I'm actually NOT going to go into a lot of details, but I'll say we went through some amazing and amazingly trying times as we bared our souls and feelings to one another and asked ourselves many questions about love, commitment, jealousy, possessiveness, freedom, control, autonomy, and sacrifice. This was a process that lasted a couple of years. There are still lingering and unanswered questions which may surface again someday.
We learned some important things. I know I can say anything to Lee and he will listen and try to understand. That's an amazing feeling and an amazing trust to have in someone. I learned I need to be true to myself, and I don't want to be loved for pretending to be someone I'm not. I learned monogamy is right for me, for right now. I read a Tim interview, in which he said he is a "philosophical vegetarian". I feel like I am a philosophical polyamorist. I think it is a beautiful concept, the idea that the heart has the capacity to love more than one, that loving one person does not diminish your love for someone else, but I don't have the fortitude or for the energy for it. I am content. I am in love. Still. Probably forever. Probably.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tim for YoUUth? Pope Song, yes. Jesus song, no.
At the youth CON, last weekend in Wausau, I was privileged to be able to present a Tim Minchin workshop. I had a small group of youth and a couple adults who came to watch and discuss some Tim videos. On the sign-up sheet, I advertised, "If you like piano, comedy, and critical thinking, sign up here. If you do not like profanity, do not sign up here." My workshop filled up immediately. My co-advisor, who was leading a workshop on science and spirituality, said he will include profanity in his workshop description next time, to draw a bigger crowd.
It was hard to decide what songs to play, and in which order to introduce the songs, to this audience who mostly had never heard of Tim Minchin before. "White Wine in the Sun" was a given, and will probably soon become the official winter holiday song for UU churches everywhere. I put it at the closing, like Tim does with his shows. I decided "Peace Anthem for Palestine" would be a good start. It is simple, relatively short, has awesome piano playing, and is pretty representative of what Tim's work is like. I also played, "Take My Wife", "Thank You God", "Tony the Fish", "Storm", "The Pope Song", "The Good Book", "Prejudice", and "The Fence". I will include most of the videos at the bottom of this post, in case you want to pretend you were in my workshop and play them through.
Some of the songs are so lyrically dense, I also printed out lyrics for youth, so they could follow along and catch the words, and also look back and re-read later. I gave them lyrics for "Thank You God", "The Good Book", and "The Pope Song". For some reason, I debated whether or not to include "The Pope Song". I tried looking up what, if any, the UUA's response to that scandal was, but didn't find much. Tim has said this song is "morally airtight", and I think I agree. It's criticism is very specific and very justified.
Another song I debated about was "I Love Jesus". I decided against it for a couple reasons. It is a satirical song about churches and homophobia. Discussion about it would be akin to mental masturbation. We UU's like to make ourselves feel good about being welcoming. I might actually do a bit of that in this blog post to get it out of my system.
With a lot of Tim's work, I think you need to learn to trust him, as he builds up for the joke. That's why, of course, it is so much better to see a live show, where he is in control of the order and flow, and builds the trust he needs to. To see his songs out of context, and sometimes even in context in a show, you often sit there for a long time, thinking, "Oh no. Where is this going? This is quite uncomfortable." Then there is a big payoff, as you realize he has tricked you or led you toward an assumption you then laugh at yourself for making. Knowing I would likely have gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered/questioning people in my workshop, I didn't trust myself, or out-of-context-Tim, to be able to build that trust. I think even if they found it funny, most of my audience would have been a bit indignant about "I Love Jesus".
If I was at a show where this was performed, I don't think I could bring myself to sing along. I have this big fantasy that Tim Minchin will come do a gig at my church, or at a youth CON. (Yeah, so what? There's nothing wrong with that!) In my fantasy, I can imagine the congregation singing "fuck the motherfucker", and joyous laughter for "Thank You God", and thunderous applause for "The Good Book", but I can't imagine the response at all to "I Love Jesus". I really can't. Would we sing? Would we laugh? Would we clap? Or would someone raise their hand and stop the show and tell him about all the social justice work we do, as a church, fighting for the rights of GLBT people all over the world? I love it that my local congregation was, for years, performing civil union ceremonies before they were legally recognized here. I am proud that our churches are part of the national "Standing on the Side of Love" campaign, promoting fully inclusive marriage throughout the country. In our service this morning, I was amazed to learn from our guest speaker, a UU minister in Uganda, that UUs there are fighting immense discrimination against LGBT citizens, and have successfully opposed legislation that would criminalize homosexuality and make it punishable with consequences as severe as life imprisonment and death. Although Tim's message is important, I hope he also knows that some churches are working, using religion to end oppression against GLBT people. We are proud to be among them.
Ultimately, I think a lot of the discussion from the workshop was ego-stroking. Most of the participants were in agreement with Tim's views,which was not by any means a a guarantee, going in. I had hoped we might have some lively debate, but patting ourselves on the back and enjoying a good laugh isn't bad either.
I cannot link to "Thank You God" or "The Fence" because they are on the newly released DVD, Tim Minchin and the Heritage Orchestra. It won't play on most DVD players here, but you can order the CD of it from Amazon.
It was hard to decide what songs to play, and in which order to introduce the songs, to this audience who mostly had never heard of Tim Minchin before. "White Wine in the Sun" was a given, and will probably soon become the official winter holiday song for UU churches everywhere. I put it at the closing, like Tim does with his shows. I decided "Peace Anthem for Palestine" would be a good start. It is simple, relatively short, has awesome piano playing, and is pretty representative of what Tim's work is like. I also played, "Take My Wife", "Thank You God", "Tony the Fish", "Storm", "The Pope Song", "The Good Book", "Prejudice", and "The Fence". I will include most of the videos at the bottom of this post, in case you want to pretend you were in my workshop and play them through.
Some of the songs are so lyrically dense, I also printed out lyrics for youth, so they could follow along and catch the words, and also look back and re-read later. I gave them lyrics for "Thank You God", "The Good Book", and "The Pope Song". For some reason, I debated whether or not to include "The Pope Song". I tried looking up what, if any, the UUA's response to that scandal was, but didn't find much. Tim has said this song is "morally airtight", and I think I agree. It's criticism is very specific and very justified.
Another song I debated about was "I Love Jesus". I decided against it for a couple reasons. It is a satirical song about churches and homophobia. Discussion about it would be akin to mental masturbation. We UU's like to make ourselves feel good about being welcoming. I might actually do a bit of that in this blog post to get it out of my system.
With a lot of Tim's work, I think you need to learn to trust him, as he builds up for the joke. That's why, of course, it is so much better to see a live show, where he is in control of the order and flow, and builds the trust he needs to. To see his songs out of context, and sometimes even in context in a show, you often sit there for a long time, thinking, "Oh no. Where is this going? This is quite uncomfortable." Then there is a big payoff, as you realize he has tricked you or led you toward an assumption you then laugh at yourself for making. Knowing I would likely have gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered/questioning people in my workshop, I didn't trust myself, or out-of-context-Tim, to be able to build that trust. I think even if they found it funny, most of my audience would have been a bit indignant about "I Love Jesus".
If I was at a show where this was performed, I don't think I could bring myself to sing along. I have this big fantasy that Tim Minchin will come do a gig at my church, or at a youth CON. (Yeah, so what? There's nothing wrong with that!) In my fantasy, I can imagine the congregation singing "fuck the motherfucker", and joyous laughter for "Thank You God", and thunderous applause for "The Good Book", but I can't imagine the response at all to "I Love Jesus". I really can't. Would we sing? Would we laugh? Would we clap? Or would someone raise their hand and stop the show and tell him about all the social justice work we do, as a church, fighting for the rights of GLBT people all over the world? I love it that my local congregation was, for years, performing civil union ceremonies before they were legally recognized here. I am proud that our churches are part of the national "Standing on the Side of Love" campaign, promoting fully inclusive marriage throughout the country. In our service this morning, I was amazed to learn from our guest speaker, a UU minister in Uganda, that UUs there are fighting immense discrimination against LGBT citizens, and have successfully opposed legislation that would criminalize homosexuality and make it punishable with consequences as severe as life imprisonment and death. Although Tim's message is important, I hope he also knows that some churches are working, using religion to end oppression against GLBT people. We are proud to be among them.
Ultimately, I think a lot of the discussion from the workshop was ego-stroking. Most of the participants were in agreement with Tim's views,which was not by any means a a guarantee, going in. I had hoped we might have some lively debate, but patting ourselves on the back and enjoying a good laugh isn't bad either.
I cannot link to "Thank You God" or "The Fence" because they are on the newly released DVD, Tim Minchin and the Heritage Orchestra. It won't play on most DVD players here, but you can order the CD of it from Amazon.
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